Jax
She came to NYC from upstate to go to FIT, but told us she was more interested in hanging out than in focusing on school. That is the one thing she would have done differently, because it would have changed everything for her. One moment of lost focus, and it changed the course of her life. And it is an opportunity she cannot recover.
Ever since, she’s been patching things together. There is the sense that once you fall away from the expected pattern, things become disjointed. Fractured. In a constant state of disrepair.
She’s worked as a nanny. She’s worked as a waitress. She wants something that is permanent. She wants to work with children, but can’t afford the education that is required. She is excited that the Head Start program where her daughter will one day be able to attend offers the opportunity for the parents to sub and teach and get real experience. That is the kind of thing that you have to be “inside” to know about, and she is grateful that it might be an opportunity for her.
She and her husband live in subsidized housing. They only got in because he had grown up there and was on the wait list. The first time his lottery number came up, he couldn’t pass the income requirement. After waiting a full fifteen years, his lottery number came up again, and they were able to get an apartment. Living there has provided them with a reliable home, plenty of room, and, most importantly, a community.
She thinks about the future. She thinks about retirement. She talks about how much she has to actively figure out, all the time. She has to think about the smallest details more than others do.
Jax told us that when you’re homeless it costs more to eat. It costs money to hang around in the bars until someone invites you to their house. It costs money to have nothing.
Even with a home, things that, to the rest of the world seem like “just do it,” are impossible. You can’t “just” have lunch with someone, or "just" buy a pair of shorts.
She knows that she has had to live on the generosity of others – both when she couch-surfed when she was single, and as a waitress. She has taken advantage of everything she’s been able to find out about, and feels she owes it to the people around her for helping her learn what she has. It’s others who make the difference, as it can be impossible to learn about the things that are on “the inside” without them. Her community is “desperately trying to cling to each other,” as she thinks it’s only through community that she can survive.